Jona8than Green Art and Other Things

I just ate two doughnuts. All I ate today. I know one day my body will fail me, because I fail my body. I wonder if it will be soon.

I finally picked up my money from Bianca's yesterday. Wasn't as awkward as I thought, was quick and out. Enough to pay my bills, well, not all of them, the apartment bills. Save a little to get by on.
I had an interview for a call centre today, that seemed to go well. Then I had an interview for a big arts centre in say..Western Canada, that could of went better. Fucked that up. I fuck up everything good for me. Sometimes I redeem myself. I always have to redeem myself. Only sometimes do I do it.

I helped set up the St. Michael's Booth at the Newfoundland and Labrador Craft Council Fair today, after the interviews. The craft fair looks good, a lot of interesting booth and work there. People put so much work in to their booths and presentation, and it reflects so well. St. Michael's looks really nice. A print of mine is for sale there. Looks swell matted. All the money goes towards the shop, so a good cause.

I finished an edition yesterday, of a bigger intaglio print. Just a little less than half a plate. That was good. Used colour for first time in a long while, as well as tried out some Fabrianano Tielpolo paper. Went really well.

I wish sometimes I could get it all together. I take time, drag my feet a little. I think I'm doing fine though, just self doubt is a mind killer.

Be alright that after a day of messing with prints and spending enough of my share of time on the internet, that when I got home, I just went to bunk instead of two, three hours on the net some more. Should go unplugged for a few days, then record an album about or write a book, Jonathan Unplugged.

That's not funny at all.

I entered the St. John's Art Procurement Program today, a program where the city of St. John's procures art for its collections. I am as well entering the Member's Show at Eastern Edge Gallery, which is a showcasing of art by the members of Eastern Edge Gallery. Both are good opportunities. Though need to focus on more, focus on going after more things.

I figured on this posting, I would try to write about my art a bit more. I need to be able to write about it -for artist's statement and proposals - so figured I ould start here. Should of started months ago, but alas. Some people term it "bullshiting" and perhaps there is an element of that about it as well. I always wonder when people say "Oh, I bullshited" my way out of that one in terms of critiques, I wonder who did they bullshit? The other people in believing them, or themselves? It's hard to be honest with one's self, hard to be honest with your art. You're putting yourself out there at times as it is with art, never mind writing about it.

My art. What am I doing? Maybe a point would be to state what I have ben reading the past few months, as it hasn't been a lot. I've read
Ernest Becker's Denial of Death,
Pierre Berton's Arctic Grail
Larry River's Digressions and Drawings
Francis Latreille White Paradise: Jurneys to the North Pole

I just finished eating 3 of my mudders homemade buns. She calls them rolls, I call them buns. There is probably a very distinct difference in the two, but they look like like doughy arses to me, thus buns is what I use. Should make little spinchter bread rolls one day.

Came back into town today, dropped my stuff off at the house and went to St. Michael's. Caught up on all the news and goings on, seein hat the b'ys are up to. The 2008 St. Michael's Printshop Playing Cards are done, looking good. Ace of Hearts looks pretty sharp. The decks of cards are $25 dollas each, so pick one or two up.
It was a good day printing, expermenting with colour in my prints. Using a la poepee colour method. Looks okay. Not really getting the colour saturation I want, looks good, but not quite what I want. So have to work on that. Was nice there today though, busy, a few people working. Good energy around. The newsletter will be out soon, which I managed to get my ol'mug into. A lot of stuff on da bop there.

Came home early though, feling a little tired and not wanting to work through it. Trying to regnerate some ideas now. Trying to find that little twist for my imagery. Almost finished my Zizk book, so letting that sink in and see where it goes. Had a little sidenote on perspective and vanishing points used in artwork, how it is a example of the "Real". I don't explain it very well, but got me thinking. I'll try again one day.

I'm going to be in the Eastern Edge Gallery's Member's Show coming up. Looking forward to that. Show off to all ya mofos here in St. John's. haha. I got a lot of stuff besides that I need to crawl on top of soon.

A pretty young thing is suppose to get abck to me about some idea she had last night, so waiting on that too.

"I've been going thirty-for-sixty
without the five ever since.

The hole grows deeper and deeper.

And now it's my turn to bid again.

I don't have the five in my hand
and I've little else to go on.

But what the hell!

Thirty-for-sixty!"

Al Pittman


Leaving to go back to town tomorrow. Home for a funeral. I have my thoughts on it, it being my first, but I'll leave them to myself. I dislike the language associated with it, but its just twiddling thumbs really. Talked to the minister a bit at the funeral, nice guy, said he'd like to stay in touch. Maybe he didn't see the Nietzsche in me, hard to without such a mustache. Hard to say. Can't tell the mind of a squid.

I go back in town. Look for a new job. Quit my other job. Not that it was helping me that much to live anyway. I get a paycheck this week. None of my prospects turned out. Shouldn't of though they would. Trying not to get down on it, it's part of the game. So I'll look for more things, do the art in the meanwhile. Glad I have St. Michael's. It really keeps me afloat...in the psychic sense that is. Really my sole reason to be in town at all at times. Only way to keep the art flowing. Wish I could figure how to throw a bit of my creativity on my economic situation.

I hate that 'economics' rears its head all the time. It's such a bore and a vulgar thing to be doing so. If it bores me, I can only imagine the reader.

Read passages of "An Island in the Sky" selected poetry of Al Pittman. Always cheers me up a bit. It feels like something is being missed by me. I read works by him, and it always feels like I need a little more living. I can never seem to let go. Would love to go for a long drive somewhere, find some nice town and drink an afternoon away.

Would also love to wear a suit and draw pretty girls all day like Giacometti below.




Really need to be poetic in my writing. Feeling lame

"He was waiting for some impulse, from he knew not where, to put his stopped life into motion again. " Jack London, Martin Eden

stolen from D, for she always reads better books than I. More enjoyable. I'm here reading Zizek, a Hegelian Lacanian philosopher who seems to think he can write about anything and does. And it titillates me to no good end in a way. Cept I never do it right, I never build up to these guys like philosophy students. I just heaves into it, picking one and ignoring the rest. I`m the same with my art history, I know a lot bout modernity but I`ll be damned if I could name a Corot painting. I skip movements and decades of arts with no even a side glance, banishing them to obsecurity in my mind.

I printed yesterday and realized my aquatint was superb, unlike my worry. The blanket on the other hand needed a spruce up due to printing a thousand small plates in the same spot. I later found it it just needs to be laundered, and thus should be restored. It`s a good image, should print well when I get my good inks come in.

The Erotic Show was yesterday at the Leyton Gallery. It was a good first start for that type here in the city. Some really interesting stuff, some expected stuff for an erotic show. Kent Jones was there in attendance, had some great drawings and we chatted. Told me about the blankets.
He later took Craig and I out to supper at Mexicali Rosa`s, and it was nice. Only wish I could entertain him as he entertains me with his stories.

Came back here after, though was not a lot to do last night. Eventually went home for a few drinks with C, was a bit of a gathering there by my roommates. Was okay, had some late night discussions with C.


``And no, you shouldnt have to wonder if the whole scene makes my cock hard.``
J.T.H

His words always seem like they speak true to me. Closest thing that Newfoundland will ever get to a Bukowski, and to that, maybe he falls a little short. But who cares. Only me in my idolizing. It`s just funny when you look back in hindsight and the divergent paths that happen. I could have a skin of red leather, eyes always in squint and hands that could polish pans. Its not too hard to imagine seeing the town, seeing the lines in the family. Seeing the lines in an uncle`s face.
Would just been another in a history of haulers and workhorses, with maybe a knack to get down on paper what I see.
Yet I`m not. I don`t know if those moments were decided by me, or decided my the parents, or who the fuck. It just never happened. I've only rode on a quad once, first time on the ocean was in Nova Scotia, and that's that; a hangashore most certainly. An outsider for a long time now, and it don't seem to be changing.

Trying to restore myself, I am feeling slightly better. The swagger still isn't there though it has been a better week. Had some great visits from my brother and my friend, and visiting some friends, which cheered me up. A job interview which went well, leading to my prospects cheering up.

It is at a call centre, and the pay is good. Would definitively help my financial situation a lot, and my moods. Like economics drag me down faster than undertow. At the restaurant I have been cut to 15 hours of work after being promised much more, full time plus even. So while I disliked the work there, and appreciate the extra time for my art, this mofo needs to pay the bills.

My artwork is going well, though I am afraid I fucked up my aquatint tonight due to not having feathers for the etching. I shouldn't of attempted it without the feathers, but ever the impatient one. I think this is why my plates have been coming off over wiped looking, not over wiped but perhaps the aquatint isn't deep enough. I really hope not, but got a sneaking suspicison. They look right but not totally sure. Never going to be an aquatint master like David Blackwood this way. [Hoping to get to meet him this month.]

Tryng to get through this book of Zizek conversations and theories, but never finding time for it. I'm enjoying it but just find it hard dedicating some time to it.

My exhibition at St. Michael's is now in April, which is a good time for it - lots of traffic, spring in the air - and it gives me more time to prepare for it. Got a few three dimensional pieces in back of head. Going to fill that gallery space, show everyone what they have to catch up to. Just got to watch those aquatints.

"If I were dressing you for Halloween, I would be inclined to draw on the inspiration of those old fairy tales that feature the theme of restoration: like the prince who, because of a curse, has lived for years as a frog, only to be returned to his rightful body and role through the kiss of a merciful soul;..."
Rob Brezsny, Free Will Astrology

So I am depressed, not too hard to figure out. I made a choice to focus on my art, to be at the print shop all the time. I've spurned social contacts and activities to be at my work, I've did this purposely; wanting to show that I am an artist, to prove people wrong. Some people wondered if I was going to waste the scholarship, just take off, etc. Maybe some even though I didn't deserve it. Spite is a motivation, just as much as wanting to be successful. I wanted to show people up, and show people my mettle.

It wears on one though, and thus I feel depressed.
1) Could be the season, that does happen in this transition periods.
2) Could be the shitty job I'm working at as a dishwasher [ yes, I'm lucky to have a job, but damn, lumpen proletariat doesn't inspire happiness].
3)Economics has always been tied to my moods, but it will take some psychotherapy sessions and a financial consultant to figure those problems out. Sometimes I yearn for my friends, or somebody, to go out. Then I realize I have 5 dollas to my name, and going out is not an option.
4) I have lived with my best friends for four years together, always had a girlfriend close by. Now, everything is spread apart, missing. The girl I started seeing has decided not to see me, not that it was going well, but thats gone. I swear if I didn't have the guys at the shop to talk to, be worse off again.

I try to blame it on the art, but it isn't that. The art is going well, making some great prints and exploring interesting themes. My descison to ignore people over my art, well, maybe that should of been more balanced. I wanted to be the hermit, the dedicated artist, wanted that aura about me. I fall for myths as much as anyone.
However I feel slightly overwhelmed by all these issues, I'm down, and as much as I do" being down" well, I need to get out of this. I need my swagger back. Just how? I still want to pursue my art, dislike it when I can't. That's truth there. I don't want to work some shitty job, but I know saying that is riduculous, better artists than I have done so. So many variables as listed above, though relieving one would help I'm sure.

I have been up to a bit in six weeks, crossed the island twice, trip to Corner Brook, trip to Englee for Thanksgiving. Three weeks of unemployment where I made a nice bit of art. The art making is on a good pace, like to increase it. Seen another artist who worked at the show, made more prints than I have in this time period. To paraphrase Larry Rivers, jealousy is as legitimate a form of motivation as anything else.

Working on some etchings and lithographs mostly, been wanting to draw and paint at times. Get around to it eventually. I have started a side project; a chapbook with a friend. Would like to work on a series of painting based on imagery from MMA and UFC fighters, the dynamicism and action would make great paintings I think. Would tie in to my interest male sexuality and issues, along with interest in violence.

That's it for now.