Been a while: Swagger down 40%
Posted by Jona8than | Labels: art, books, etching, in progress, life, lithography, material, print, wants to kill myself, Work | Posted On Saturday, November 1, 2008 at 11:56 p.m.
"If I were dressing you for Halloween, I would be inclined to draw on the inspiration of those old fairy tales that feature the theme of restoration: like the prince who, because of a curse, has lived for years as a frog, only to be returned to his rightful body and role through the kiss of a merciful soul;..."
Rob Brezsny, Free Will Astrology
So I am depressed, not too hard to figure out. I made a choice to focus on my art, to be at the print shop all the time. I've spurned social contacts and activities to be at my work, I've did this purposely; wanting to show that I am an artist, to prove people wrong. Some people wondered if I was going to waste the scholarship, just take off, etc. Maybe some even though I didn't deserve it. Spite is a motivation, just as much as wanting to be successful. I wanted to show people up, and show people my mettle.
It wears on one though, and thus I feel depressed.
1) Could be the season, that does happen in this transition periods.
2) Could be the shitty job I'm working at as a dishwasher [ yes, I'm lucky to have a job, but damn, lumpen proletariat doesn't inspire happiness].
3)Economics has always been tied to my moods, but it will take some psychotherapy sessions and a financial consultant to figure those problems out. Sometimes I yearn for my friends, or somebody, to go out. Then I realize I have 5 dollas to my name, and going out is not an option.
4) I have lived with my best friends for four years together, always had a girlfriend close by. Now, everything is spread apart, missing. The girl I started seeing has decided not to see me, not that it was going well, but thats gone. I swear if I didn't have the guys at the shop to talk to, be worse off again.
I try to blame it on the art, but it isn't that. The art is going well, making some great prints and exploring interesting themes. My descison to ignore people over my art, well, maybe that should of been more balanced. I wanted to be the hermit, the dedicated artist, wanted that aura about me. I fall for myths as much as anyone.
However I feel slightly overwhelmed by all these issues, I'm down, and as much as I do" being down" well, I need to get out of this. I need my swagger back. Just how? I still want to pursue my art, dislike it when I can't. That's truth there. I don't want to work some shitty job, but I know saying that is riduculous, better artists than I have done so. So many variables as listed above, though relieving one would help I'm sure.
I have been up to a bit in six weeks, crossed the island twice, trip to Corner Brook, trip to Englee for Thanksgiving. Three weeks of unemployment where I made a nice bit of art. The art making is on a good pace, like to increase it. Seen another artist who worked at the show, made more prints than I have in this time period. To paraphrase Larry Rivers, jealousy is as legitimate a form of motivation as anything else.
Working on some etchings and lithographs mostly, been wanting to draw and paint at times. Get around to it eventually. I have started a side project; a chapbook with a friend. Would like to work on a series of painting based on imagery from MMA and UFC fighters, the dynamicism and action would make great paintings I think. Would tie in to my interest male sexuality and issues, along with interest in violence.
That's it for now.
Rob Brezsny, Free Will Astrology
So I am depressed, not too hard to figure out. I made a choice to focus on my art, to be at the print shop all the time. I've spurned social contacts and activities to be at my work, I've did this purposely; wanting to show that I am an artist, to prove people wrong. Some people wondered if I was going to waste the scholarship, just take off, etc. Maybe some even though I didn't deserve it. Spite is a motivation, just as much as wanting to be successful. I wanted to show people up, and show people my mettle.
It wears on one though, and thus I feel depressed.
1) Could be the season, that does happen in this transition periods.
2) Could be the shitty job I'm working at as a dishwasher [ yes, I'm lucky to have a job, but damn, lumpen proletariat doesn't inspire happiness].
3)Economics has always been tied to my moods, but it will take some psychotherapy sessions and a financial consultant to figure those problems out. Sometimes I yearn for my friends, or somebody, to go out. Then I realize I have 5 dollas to my name, and going out is not an option.
4) I have lived with my best friends for four years together, always had a girlfriend close by. Now, everything is spread apart, missing. The girl I started seeing has decided not to see me, not that it was going well, but thats gone. I swear if I didn't have the guys at the shop to talk to, be worse off again.
I try to blame it on the art, but it isn't that. The art is going well, making some great prints and exploring interesting themes. My descison to ignore people over my art, well, maybe that should of been more balanced. I wanted to be the hermit, the dedicated artist, wanted that aura about me. I fall for myths as much as anyone.
However I feel slightly overwhelmed by all these issues, I'm down, and as much as I do" being down" well, I need to get out of this. I need my swagger back. Just how? I still want to pursue my art, dislike it when I can't. That's truth there. I don't want to work some shitty job, but I know saying that is riduculous, better artists than I have done so. So many variables as listed above, though relieving one would help I'm sure.
I have been up to a bit in six weeks, crossed the island twice, trip to Corner Brook, trip to Englee for Thanksgiving. Three weeks of unemployment where I made a nice bit of art. The art making is on a good pace, like to increase it. Seen another artist who worked at the show, made more prints than I have in this time period. To paraphrase Larry Rivers, jealousy is as legitimate a form of motivation as anything else.
Working on some etchings and lithographs mostly, been wanting to draw and paint at times. Get around to it eventually. I have started a side project; a chapbook with a friend. Would like to work on a series of painting based on imagery from MMA and UFC fighters, the dynamicism and action would make great paintings I think. Would tie in to my interest male sexuality and issues, along with interest in violence.
That's it for now.
